HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO EVERY FATHER IN THE WORLD .

I earnestly hoped that all fathers are enjoying their big day today to the fullest.

To me, today will be a real special day to me. Cause today I did 2 major hidden sacrifices for the only man in my life. It may seems small and tiny, but I feel like I had done something big. Though, my box is already drain, i still managed to dig out some bucks for this man. Saw his wallet last night and got a shock of my life. Some people may say that giving bucks is too unsincere blah blah. But I think that only applies to rich people; it is a very simple task for them to dig out a significant number of bucks but to me, it's a challenge. I really got to weigh my priorities well so that I can spare these insignificant bucks to this man. Another thing, having dinner with my mother was just to protect this poor man to run double trips, to and fro from one end of sg to the other end like a superman. Cause of this second sacrifice, ......... I did something wrong to this particular person. 

This recent special friend of mine, you can really make my mind go haywire you know. I am not angry with you going with the other person for dinner. But just.... k nvm. i think there is some problem with me in the first place.

I don't know/understand why am I feeling like this.. after knowing you.... telling you everything about me. assuming you to be the closest person to me.. is this too fast? complicated feelings towards you. Main point : I did turn up at the bridge. and even went to the extent... k nvm, since you won't be reading this. 

Sigh. Sometimes I also don't understand what my mind is thinking also... Anyways tomorrow will be another long day for me, i hate this mini holiday. my projects, my online assignment, my germany registration forms.. most importantly, my sch fees which is due three days after my term break ends, $123.60 . *huge sigh*

sometimes, really hope that I've something to lean on ... it's kind of tired when you're carrying everything for 18 years and still counting on till that day you enter into your box of life. feels like moving out. anyways I'm kind of living like an orphan now. expenses, mostly are all on me. Not even a slightest lean from anybody.. have is have. but i don't feel that kind of security.. so in the end, is still. me, myself and I. Which is still... one person carrying the burden and everything just like before... back to square one. 

Hope 2moro will be a better day for me as well as those who are like me or even worse than me. hwaiting ! toodles.

You shall perish after graduation.

though that poly will be a new start for me but seriously, since the first day of orientation, nothing went right. and when i say nothing it really means NOTHING. fuck. thought that working will at least make me forget about my school stuff and home stuff, guess what , work also got stuff for me scratch head. fml fml fml. 

is the world ending soon? if it is, just end it quickly. preferably by today . 

sch work home. 3 huge killers. one pathetic me to endure, fml. after times and times telling myself not to give up and motivates myself in whatever ways that i thought of. but still, nothing moves an inch. everything is still the same just that the amount of load on my shoulders is getting greater and greater instead of vice versa. i tried my really best to do well for everything. fml. why are they still not gone yet? SOMEONE PLS REALLY ENLIGHTEN ME. 

so now, i really feels tired. feeling tired physically is okay, but its when you're tired mentally, you will find yourself on the verge of mind breaking. the feeling really can tear yourself apart and then prolly just jump down unknowingly. i cant find any other motivation ways , at least for now. 

i know its impossible. but i really hopes the heaven or somebody who is capable of helping me can read this particular post. im really tired. money affairs, work affairs, sch affairs. friends.....

it really sucks to be only child sometimes. you cant depend on anybody at all, even if it is just a slight lean. EVERY MOTHER FUCKING CB THINGY IS ON YOU. and it is even worse when there is nobody you can talk to . cause everybody have their own problems to deal with too. at first i thought it will be okay as my level of endurance is different from an average person. but it turns out to be so suffocating now. i can barely breathe. every breath i take, i have to think thrice . because consequences are all on me. 

this is real maddness.

parents... sighhh. nvm.  some things are very hard to spell out as words. so lets just end here. toodles.

You shall perish after graduation.